Official 2007-2008 Political Glossary
It's here! It's here! The Official 2007-2008 Guide to Euphemistic Political Bullsh*t. There should be at least something here to piss off just about everybody...unless, that is, you can see your own side's bull for what it is.
| Guide to Political Terms and Phrases | ||||
| User | Term or Phrase | Intended Meaning (What they want you to think it means) | Actual Meaning of the Term in the Real World [or what they REALLY mean, if indicated in "[ ]" brackets] | Political Objective |
| Democrats | Government funded | No one will have to pay for it. | Taxpayer funded | Government confiscation and transfer of wealth from some Americans to others. |
| Democrats | Working Americans | Americans who were not born so obscenely wealthy that they have never had to work, and who therefore work but do not earn much more than the nation's median income (presumably, anyone earning more must not be "working") | All Americans who work to make a living. | Government confiscation and transfer of wealth from some Americans to others. |
| Democrats | Fair Trade | The principle that other nations shouldn't be allowed to cheat American workers out of a job. | [What they REALLY mean] The principle that businesses should not be able to give jobs to desperately poor people abroad unless they pay them wages comparable to those of middle class Americans. | Preventing Americans from losing jobs to dirt-poor people abroad who need the jobs even more (and, for politicians, gaining union campaign money and votes). |
| Democrats | Undocumented Immigrants | People who came here by creative, unconventional means. | Illegal immigrants (unless a bureaucrat has simply misplaced the paperwork). | Get Latino votes. |
| Democrats | Equal Opportunity | Prevention or correction of racial discrimination in employment and education. | [What they REALLY mean] Technically, affirmative action. More descriptively, racial preferences, or, from the standpoint of the non-preferred, racial discrimination. (Winner of the Orwell Award) | For African-Americans, an opportunity to gain an advantage by being judged "by the color of their skin rather than the content of their character" (bizarro MLK). For Democratic politicians, gain African-American votes. For anyone else, avoid being labeled a racist. |
| Democrats | Universal Healthcare | Equal healthcare rights for all Americans. | Taxpayer-funded healthcare for anyone not othewise covered. (To be paid for using money recovered by allowing the Bush tax cuts to expire, money that will be used a second time to fund entitlement liabilities and a third time to reduce the deficit to restore fiscal responsibility.) | Government confiscation and transfer of wealth from middle-class and wealthy Americans to lower-income Americans. |
| Democrats | Progressive | A person who prefers enlightenment over ignorance and and improvement over the status quo. | Liberal | Offer a more palatable word than "liberal" to centrist Americans. |
| Democrats | Redeploying troops from Iraq | We're leaving but not quitting. | Withdrawing troops from Iraq | Get our troops out of Iraq and making it sound like just a different military strategy. |
| Democrats | Iraq Plan | Just leave and the pain will stop. | [What they REALLY mean] Just leave regardless of whether or not staying would be likely to affect the ultimate outcome (i.e., avert or mitigate the consequences of full-scale civil war). (See antonym in "Republicans" section) | Use the Iraq issue to retain and increase power in Congress and to take back the White House. |
| Democrats | United Nations | An organization in which nations work together in good faith to seek peace and justice for all. | Individual nations pursuing individual interests in the same building, claiming at all times to be acting on principle. Other acceptable definition: global auction house in which votes are purchased if the price is right. | Emasculate our foreign policy so we can feel less hated abroad. |
| Democrats | Hillary Clinton | Principled statesperson who puts our nation's well-being above personal political ambition. | Whatever the polls and consultants tell Hillary Clinton she should be today. | Elect Hillary. |
| Democrats | Barak Obama | The man who can transform our nation's politics and rescue us from partisanship. | A very intelligent, articulate, good-looking politician with only 2 years of political experience at the national level, no executive experience in government or business, a relatively short adulthood so far, and whose positions on the issues few people know, but who is nevertheless favored by a significant portion of Democrats to be our next president. | Elect a Democrat who is less phony than Hillary. |
| Democrats | Dennis Kucinich | Standard-bearer of liberal idealism. | User of political fame to achieve the widest gap in attractiveness between wife and non-rich husband in the history of marriage. (Beauty & the Leprechaun) | Mission accomplished. So clever it almost makes me want to vote for the guy. |
| Democrats | Pro-Choice | Supporter of liberty and privacy. | Supporter of abortion legality, regardless of whether or not the fetus is a human being. | Keep abortion legal and unrestricted. |
| Republicans | Values | The core codes of conduct that distinguish good people from bad and which keep our culture and nation from unraveling. | [What they REALLY mean] Evangelical sexual mores and the need to legislate curbs on individual rights accordingly -- not to be confused with frivolous concepts such as integrity, courage, loyalty, kindness, compassion, industriousness, self-sacrifice, tolerance, or fairness, all of which are apparently outside the scope of values. | Get as many Americans as possible to become or stay fundamentalist Christians. |
| Republicans | Protecting Marriage | Keep homosexuals from denigrating your marriage by equating it with their perversion. | [What they REALLY mean] Denying homosexuals equal marriage rights. (How gay marriage threatens heterosexual marriage is left to the imagination. Note: This term is not to be confused with a non-existent mass effort to reduce our 50% divorce rate by placing more legal obstacles to divorce, which would fit the term much better but as of now is entirely theoretical.) | Prevent/reverse legal status of same-sex marriages. |
| Republicans | Opposing "Special Rights" [for homosexuals] | Opposing Superior Rights | Opposing Equal Rights | Prevent homosexuals from gaining equal rights, and win elections by stoking bigotry and baseless moral condescension. |
| Republicans | The 2nd Amendment | Your fundamental, constitutionally guaranteed right to bear arms for fun, protection, and to keep the government from getting too powerful by maintaining the threat of insurrection. | The right for individuals to bear arms for the purpose of serving in a well-regulated militia (or modern counterpart) to defend the nation or defend a state from the federal government. ("A well regulated militia being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the People to keep and bear arms, shall not be infringed.") | Miminize restrictions on weapon ownership, regardless of any consequences. For politicians, get campaign contributions from the NRA and win rural male votes. |
| Republicans | Terror Alert / Elevation of Threat Level (archaic term: last heard in 2004) | Message from the Dept. of Homeland Security: Don't do anything, but get scared, and vote for the guy who seems most likely to kill someone to protect you. (Not heard since the 2004 Bush re-election.) | Unknown. | 2004: Get Bush re-elected, along with as many Republicans as possible. |
| Republicans | Support our troops | Support our plan for the war and continue funding it, unless you want to get our most patriotic Americans killed. | Appreciate the service of our troops, make sure they have what they need to do their job, take care of them when they get home, and don't keep them in a war unless we have a damn good reason. | Keep the troops in Iraq |
| Republicans | Iraq Plan | Stay and we will prevail. | [What they REALLY mean] Stay regardless of whether or not it is likely to affect the ultimate outcome (i.e., avert or mitigate the consequences of full-scale civil war). (See antonym in "Democrats" section) | Stay long enough for Democrats to force a withdrawal so they can be blamed for "losing Iraq". |
| Republicans | Patriot Act | You're either with us or with the terrorists…and we'll know based on your support or opposition of this law. | Expanded Government Eavesdropping Law. (Will any politician who wants to scale it back need to introduce a "Treason Bill"?) | Sacrifice civil liberties to reduce the risk of terrorism. |
| Republicans | Mistakes have been made [in Iraq] | Some anonymous third person screwed up. | I made mistakes (big mistakes). | Avoid blame. |
| Republicans | Death Tax | The moral equivalent of grave-robbing. | Technically, the estate tax. More descriptively, the inheritance tax, almost all of which affects wealthy beneficiaries. | Government confiscation and transfer wealth from the middle class to the wealthy. (“Death tax” is useful for those who wish to repeal it because death is the only thing most people oppose more than paying more taxes so wealthy people can start inheriting estates tax-free.) |
| Republicans | Consistent, pervasive liberal media bias | The brainwashing conspiracy that is the only reason you have any negative opinion of any Republican or his/her positions. | Selective anecdotal evidence of what are arguably individual cases of liberal bias. (Note: Cases of bias to the right constitute "fair & balanced" reporting.) | Scapegoat every Republican defeat (and encourage listenership of right wing radio and viewership of Fox News) |
| Republicans | School Prayer | Religious freedom (see also "Values" above) | [What they REALLY mean] A law that would force a public school teacher to coerce public schoolchildren to recite a prayer written by politicians and/or bureaucrats. (Not to be confused with the act of praying in school, which anyone can already do). | Use the intimidating authority of the state to coerce children to worship (specifically, to worship in accordance with monotheism and ultimately fundamentalist Christianity.) |
| Republicans | The Ten Commandments | The foundation of our legal system (among other things), worthy of placement in our courts. | A list of demands, backed up by scary threats, supposedly provided by an imaginary man in the sky, only three of which relate to crimes, and the first four of which consist entirely of requirements to worship a particular deity exclusively. | Use the intimidating authority of the state to coerce adults to worship. Also, use the prestige of the state to affirm the validity and superiority of Judeo-Christian beliefs. |
| Republicans | Flag-burning | A threat to the nation so grave that we should amend the constitution to override the First Amendment. | A form of unpopular political expression, which the First Amendment was created to protect. | Revoke our freedom in order to protect our ultimate symbol of freedom. For politicians, an opportunity to make your opponent look less patriotic if he/she has more integrity, political courage, and commitment to actual freedom than you do. |
| Republicans | Strict constructionist | A judge or justice who is not so presumptuous, arrogant and megalomaniacal as to rewrite our constitution to reflect his/her personal preferences. | A judge or justice who will seek to overturn Roe v. Wade. | For politicians, a winking signal to Pro-Lifers that he/she will appoint judges and justices who will overturn Roe v. Wade, while leaving Pro-Choicers clueless. |
| Republicans | Tax "relief" | Tax cuts are the moral equivalent of helping victims of natural disasters. | Tax cuts | Tax cuts |
| Republicans | "Rudy" | The man who will save us from terrorism through his superlative anti-terror competence. | A man with zero foreign policy or military experience who, after the 1993 WTC bombing, located his Emergency Operations Center on the 23rd floor of the WTC (against advice of security experts), who never provided needed communications equipment to first responders, and who pushed Bernard Kerik for head of Dept. of Homeland Security. (Also happens to be the man who would be the ultimate flip-flopper on guns & abortion if Romney had not set the bar stratospherically high.) | Get a myth elected |
| Republicans | Mitt Romney | Former liberal who has recently seen the light and undergone a sincere conversion to pure social conservatism. | The most shamelessly opportunistic and unprincipled flip-flopper in political history. Believed only by the same people who believe that three weeks of rehab "cured" Ted Haggard of homosexuality. | Get elected and then follow the polls on every issue closely and act accordingly to ensure re-election. |
| Republicans | Maverick John McCain | A man who sticks to his principles, talks straight, and takes positions solely on what he thinks is right, regardless of the wishes of the Republican base and the party establishment. | What John McCain was before had a good chance at winning the Republican nomination (before the Straight Talk Express took a turn onto Flipflop Road and then a quick right onto the Pander Expressway). Yet...the most consistent of the top 3 of "Rudy McRomney". | Elect McCain |
| Republicans | I'll eliminate wasteful spending | I can restore fiscal health without anyone losing anything legitimate (all gain, no pain). | The only way I could find anywhere near enough spending cuts to reconcile my stand on low taxes with my pledge to eliminate the deficit would be to substantially cut defense and social security and medicare benefits, but I'd like to win the next election. | Get elected by not telling you what you don't want to hear. |
| Republicans | Fiscal Conservative | Advocate of low taxes AND fiscal responsibility. | [What they REALLY mean] Advocate of cutting taxes under any and all economic conditions, levels of national debt, unfunded entitlement liabilities and related threats to our future standard of living, who makes it all work by readily accepting all the most optimistic -- rather than conservative -- economic assumptions and forecasts, and who sometimes argues that tax cuts "pay for themselves" (generate higher revenues through higher growth), despite consensus to the contrary among economists, or who contends that tax cuts "starve the beast" (reducing spending by lowering revenues), or who contends both, despite their inherent contradiction. (Not to be confused with a true fiscal conservative, who would be concerned about our national debt and unfunded liabilities and favor realistic analysis and solutions). | Tax cuts. |
| Republicans | Tort reform | Prevention of frivolous lawsuits that are killing businesses and medical practices, and driving up costs for consumers unnecessarily | Limitations on your ability to sue and collect money from companies that you believe injured you, which does protect companies and physicians from frivolous lawsuits, but also also make it profitable for companies to market unexpectedly exploding, limb-tearing and surprisingly flammable products. (Not to be confused with a better pastry recipe.) | Rewarding large campaign contributors by limiting their product liability. |
| Republicans | Pro-Life | Opponent of killing babies | Opposer of abortion legality, regardless of whether or not the fetus is a human being based on anything other than his/her scripture. | Overturn Roe v. Wade |
| Republicans | Pro-Life with exception in case of rape | Opponent of abortion but with reasonable exceptions. | Opposer of abortion legality because the fetus is a human being, which makes abortion the murder of a baby, which should be legal if the mother was raped, as long as the murder is committed before the baby is born, not that the baby is any less of a human being before it was born. | Overturn Roe v. Wade. For politicians, gain Pro-Life votes without turning off every Pro-Choice and ambivalent voter. |
| Both Parties | Pork barrel spending | Wasteful spending of your tax dollars that I'll eliminate | Spending on projects in every other legislator's district or state (In my district or state it's legitimate constituent service) | Get elected/re-elected |
| Both Parties | Farm Policy | Protecting Farmer Mom & Pop, the people who get up every day at 4am to put food on your table, from sudden, unforseeable, Grapes-of-Wrath poverty. | Massive transfer of wealth from taxpayers and consumers to large farms and agribusinesses who make enormous campaign contributions. Also a means of preventing farmers in poor nations from competing in the U.S. market on a level playing field. | Keep those campaign contributions from Archer Daniels Midland rolling in. For presidential candidates or senators with presidential ambitions (i.e., all senators), win the Iowa Caucus. |
| Both Parties | In a post-9/11 world… | You must accept whatever I say next or terrorists will kill you and your loved ones. | We should take terrorism seriously and act accordingly. | Get people to accept any war or security policy I propose unconditionally and reflexively. |
| Both Parties | Moderate Arab State | An enlightened, pro-Western Arab nation with Western values. | A brutal dictatorship that commits gross violations of human rights, mandates an inferior status for women, prohibits free speech, and funds schools that preach hatred and violent jihad, but which is cooperating with us on security issues to a minimal degree and which is managing so far to keep it's seething population suppressed. | Maintain our support for Arab dictatorships that keep their people from electing Osama bin Laden, maintain stability for the time being, and keep oil prices from going even higher. |
| Both Parties | Under God [in Pledge of Allegiance] | Phrase historically and spiritually tied to our nation's heritage. | Phrase added to the Pledge in 1954 in the midst of McCarthyism and Cold War fears to distinguish us from, and assert our moral superiority over, the godless communists (as if a system of liberty vs. tyranny weren't enough). | Use the intimidating authority of the state to force or coerce children and adults to acknowledge a particular deity and tie it to patriotism. |
| Both Parties | Terrorist | Anyone who attacks non-combatants or our troops. | Anyone who attacks non-combatants. | Get Americans to support any war by characterising any enemy as the moral equivalent of al-Qaeda bombers who also pose an equal threat to the homeland. |
| Both Parties | (spoken in a speech) America is the greatest nation on earth. | If you love you're country, you should love me, too (since we agree that America is just super). | I'm going to insult your intelligence by being overtly and crudely patronizing. | Get elected/re-elected |
| Both Parties | Common Sense ______ (as an adjective) | If you disagree with what I'm proposing, you must be an idiot or a scheming scoundrel. | What I'm about to say is consistent with the emotional, knee-jerk reaction of a mob that has either avoided education on the issue completely or has diligently sought and consumed only information that would reinforce the initial emotional, knee-jerk reaction. | Make supporters unlikely to consider altenative points of view, and discourage "undecideds" from rational thought and investigation on the issue. |
| Both Parties | Reform | Improvement | Change (for better or worse) | Support what I'm proposing (unless you have something against improvements) |
| Both Parties | Fix Social Security & Medicare (also "Reform" or "Save" Social Security & Medicare) | Ensure the continuation of full Social Security & Medicare benefits while keeping these programs affordable to taxpayers. | Substantially cut Social Security & Medicare benefits and/or substantially restrict eligibility further. | Sound both fiscally responsible and fully committed to seniors' benefits, and avoid losing electoral support from seniors and soon-to-be seniors. |
| Both Parties | The Draft | An unnecessary sacrifice for members of our society. | A means of sharing the risk of getting killed in war equally across all socioeconomic levels. (Opposed by advocates of war who don't want to risk dying for it and opposed by opponents of war who don't want to risk dying even if it would make war much less politically feasible and therefore much less likely.) | Avoid pissing off almost every voter. |
Submitted by B Rational on Mon, 2007-11-12 19:50
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It's funny because it's true
Nicely done. The only one I would characterize as unfair is the Kucinich one. (I'm pretty sure their marriage had alot more to do with their shared political and spiritual values than with his political fame.) Still kinda funny, though! But I gotta go with the Romney one as the funniest.
We are the environment. There is no distinction. What we do to the earth we do to ourselves. —David Suzuki
thanks. Maybe my Kucinich
thanks. Maybe my Kucinich comment was just sour grapes!
I enjoyed Romney one as well!
Kucinich is a loser... His non-power went to her small brain apparently.
"To discuss evil in a manner implying neutrality, is to sanction it." AR
What's with the bad vibe?
Did Kucinich piss in your Cheerios or something?
I never broke the law; I am the law! --
George W. BushJudge DreddI'm listening to...
Very nice! (nt)
Come, my friends. 'Tis not too late to seek a newer world -- Tennyson
nicely done-- here's one:
user: fringe-left Naderite faux "progressives"
term: "reality-based community"
indended meaning: A progressive community where truth is spoken to power
actual meaning: A purity-troll infested echo chamber where myths reign supreme and blind outrage is taken as the currency of wisdom
objective: to collect mojo and recommends from fellow purity trolls
:-(
skymutt: wise and powerful... enlightened...
I hadn't heard of that one.
I hadn't heard of that one. Thanks for adopting the format and thanks for the addition. More! More!
5
hmmm man
what happened dude?
"To discuss evil in a manner implying neutrality, is to sanction it." AR
That's how I started down my path
It started with the Kossacks. The rest is history.
Nothing really happened, Ender...
Hard to put a finger on one particular thing that disgusts me. It's jsut obvious to me, though, that there's not a big enough range of thought on site. Silly stuff just goes unchallenged all the time. As just one example of many: if I see the Lancet study cited one more time as settled fact, or worse, distorted horribly-- I dunno what I'm gonna do. No, bad as this war has gone, 1 million Iraqis have not died because of us, and we certainly have not "killed" 1 million Iraqis.
The Mukasey thing really irks me too-- site wisdom is that Chuck Schumer is evil incarnate because he had the audacity to stick by his man that he recommended, has confidence in, and believes can make a positive difference in the Justice Department in a whole host of areas. If I was Schumer, I don't know if I'd be able to resist posting a big "f--- you, dailykos" diary that would go something like this:
skymutt: wise and powerful... enlightened...
LOL! Particulars aside, I'd
LOL! Particulars aside, I'd love to see ANY politician say something like that to his/her base when the latter gets unreasonable. Very nicely done!
I'll second that
and third it too.
I dare you to post that on DailyKos as "A letter from Chuck Schumer". Double dog dare.
OH and did you see they are reopening the NSA thing, because now that Mukasey is head of the DOJ it might actually be able to function as a department again.
It is the economy, stupid.
I dare you to post that
Don't tempt me, missliberties! My inner troll already wants to do it so bad, you have no idea...
I did see that Justice had reopened that probe, thought that that was very interesting. I thought it was a very odd thing, before Mukasey even had his ceremonial swearing-in... I'm not sure how to read that yet, not sure if Mukasey had anything to do with it. I really don't expect the Justice Department to suddenly become virulently hostile to the Administration's agenda, or to issue a Henry-Waxman-like fusillade of subpoenas to the White House...
skymutt: wise and powerful... enlightened...
I created an account earlier today
but it would take a week.... so if any of you have a throwaway account, feel free :) I shoulda created an account for such things long time ago. Damn :)
"To discuss evil in a manner implying neutrality, is to sanction it." AR
What happened to "EnderSR"?
That's not banned, is it?
skymutt: wise and powerful... enlightened...
it was banned a few hours
after I posted that diary. So yes, I was manually banned by the admins :)
"To discuss evil in a manner implying neutrality, is to sanction it." AR
it's a good email
And I wouldn't be surprised if it doesn't end up on dkos sometime soon :)
I hear ya on the frustrations and screw their Lancet study.
"To discuss evil in a manner implying neutrality, is to sanction it." AR
Did you see Rep. Harman's rant a couple weeks ago?
Ok, well, not quite the same thing, since a staffer wrote it, but still, it was pretty much a f--- you response to dailykos-- a first that I've seen on a Rep's account. Also, it was a shame that it was in response to drational-- one of the better contributors over the IMO.
skymutt: wise and powerful... enlightened...
yes I did see it
It was kinda nice. On the one hand it would be cool if someone like Schumer actually wrote a big f*** you post to them but on the other hand it's probably best for Dems to ignore the place and let trolls handle that kinda stuff.
"To discuss evil in a manner implying neutrality, is to sanction it." AR
There's a "drational"?? I
There's a "drational"?? I wonder if we're related. Probably not. My name contains an imperative.